No one liked to go to dinner with me because I used to reach over and eat everyone's food. I have now matured by understanding the 'tilted table' theory. This decrees that the table is always tilted in my direction and that everyone's leftovers will eventually slide towards me. Also, I deliberately seat myself closest to whomever I perceive as the 'weakest' eater and as such the food will reach me in the warmest possible state.
Confession posted on 02/15/2001